As Thanksgiving approaches and the incitement to give thanks is all around us, I can't help but wonder what it means to be truly thankful. Naturally, we are thankful for what feels like blessings in our lives, things that bring us pleasure and create ease. But if a gift is defined as something given to us for personal benefit, what about the idea of suffering that ultimately leads to intimacy with God and stronger character. Can I really be thankful for that?
Certainly I would never ask for pain as a means to learn and grow, but if I am honest, when I look back those are the times that I feel I have gained the most in understanding my humanity and need for God. So am I thankful for that--yes, sometimes, a little bit. I want to be more. I want to embrace my pain and unfulfilled dreams and let them lead me to a more holistic sense of what it means to be thankful.
Would I be more thankful if all I received was what I wanted, what feels like blessings? Probably not. I already take for granted the many positive gifts given to me and often come to expect them. Expect that life should be a certain way, that people should be a certain way, and that I should be comfortable and peaceful. I have so many things and am given so many gifts in fact, that I have unfortunately often stopped noticing them.
A speaker at our church a few months ago encouraged the congregation toward a "gratitude inventory", walking around the house and literally touching each item, praising God for that-- and quickly learning HOW MUCH you have when you actually take the time to pray over it.
I do want my heart to be balanced and each day brings me a little closer, even the days when I fail miserably. I want to notice the small gifts and be thankful-- a good conversation, laughter, food, a walk in the woods. But I also want to notice those items on my list of suffering--pain, heartache, shattered dreams-- and be thankful for those as well, for the truth is that God uses both to touch me and make me attentive to His love.
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