Friendship

Friendship is something that no one ever really teaches you about. Learning how to be a friend is something that happens through trial and error, with lots of joy and pain along the way. I love watching little kids make friends. They can't talk to each other but just start to repeat actions of what the other is doing. And like magic, they are friends. One of my favorite things on Sunday mornings at church is to watch the kids play. One will start running in the hall and pretty soon there are a team of five two year olds running back and forth. They haven't spoken a word but have communicated in ways that are so uninhibited. Sometimes I wish I had that die hard attitude when it came to friendships, thinking, "Of course, we will be friends, why wouldn't we?" It is so sad how past hurts can get in the way of that. Our own insecurities, the perfections people display about themselves that actually make you not want to be around them, our expectations that to be a good friend you have to have a certain amount of time, or see each other this often.

I was blessed yesterday by two phone conversations with friends I haven't talked to in months. These are friends I usually communicate to in other ways, through mail, blog checking, etc. but I was so touched by both of their calls. Even though I haven't talked to either of them on the phone in a long time and we talked less than half an hour, it was amazing that we just picked up in the present. I don't know why I am always surprised at the ease of this--that we still are who we are even if we don't know the daily details of each other's lives.

Moving has taught me so much about who I am, how I approach (or avoid) friendships and the definition I have now of friendship is so different than the one I had a few years ago. My closest friends don't necessarily have to be the ones I talk to the most often. They are the ones that KNOW me, the kind of knowing that is that childlike without-words kind. Where we could just sit and be quiet and still be communicating. And friendships are slow. The more I try to force them the less fluid and life giving they become. It takes a long time to really get to know someone and that process cannot be hurried. I hope that the more I grow and learn about myself and humanness, the more I can give and receive friendship. I know I really cherish these relationships.